Feelin' Fuzzy
by Arctic Banana
Summary: Resurrected from the dead by his friends, Jazz finds that he's a little different than he remembers he was in life...
1. Welcome Back

I actually wrote this a while ago and forgot about it (I don't know...maybe back in June or so?). I've been finding some old stories in my room and in a long since forgotten folder inside a folder inside a folder on my computer, so I might be uploading a few of them over time (several of them were written a long time ago and therefore need heavy revision before I plan on posting them, if I plan on posting them at all; a lot of them, mostly the first fics I've ever written, suck hard like you wouldn't believe and will never see the light of day).

I don't remember what it was that I was on when I wrote this one, but rereading it gave me quite a laugh. Maybe it was that Mountain Dew again? I'm rather fond of Mountain Dew.

Note that this is a crack-fic and likely none of it is logical.

* * *

Jazz twitched. He was lying on his side on a smooth surface. Someone was lightly stroking his shoulder. How did he get there? All he could remember was...oh yeah...he likely died. Megatron had ripped him in half. But if he was dead, then where was he now? And why was someone petting him?

He heard someone talking. Bee? He was asking Ratchet if he thought that he'd make it in a solemn, depressing tone. So apparently he wasn't dead, at least not at the moment. He moved his head slightly. "Bee?" The conversation between Bumblebee and Ratchet stopped, as did the petting. He slowly opened his optics and let them adjust to the flood of light, not paying any mind to the fact that his vision wasn't tinted blue like it usually was.

Bumblebee was staring at him, looking like he wanted to glomp him and cry at the same time. "Jazzy! You're alright!" Bumblebee said excitedly.

"How do you feel, Jazz?" Ratchet asked.

"Worse than a hangover, but slightly less than getting kicked in the nuts," Jazz groaned.

"Well, he's well enough to be crude, so that's a good sign," Ratchet sighed, writing something down on a data pad.

Jazz sat up and looked up at Bumblebee. Hey, wait a minute... "Hey Bumblebee, did you grow since I last saw you?"

Bumblebee's optics looked away. "Um... No..."

"Then why do you..." He happened to glance down upon his paws. Paws that he didn't have before... He sat up straight so he could better see his fuzzy reddish-bluish body and looked behind him to see a bushy tail- all features that he'd never had before... "What the hell did you do to me?!"

"Um...surprise?" Bumblebee replied.

"What the hell did you turn me into?!"

"A coyote..." Ratchet answered.

"Oh great! A coyote! So before I was a really awesome robot, and now I'm a mange-infested rat! Simply perfect!" Jazz ranted.

"Quit bitching and count your blessings. At least you don't have random urges to hump stuffed animals," a very angry-looking rabbit growled at him from another table.

"Oh...um... Hi, Bonecrusher," Jazz said, recognizing the voice. He looked back at Ratchet. "Explain?"

"Well, we won..." Ratchet started.

"That's good. So now why am I a coyote?"

"Well, as you likely already know, you didn't survive the battle..." Jazz nodded for him to continue. "The All-Spark survived, but it's only a fragment now, which makes it weaker. Because it was made weaker, it didn't have enough power to bring you back _and _repair your body. So we had to make a choice. It wasn't that hard to choose since your body's of no use to us without your spark."

"So I'm gonna be a coyote for the rest of my life?!"

"No, of course not. We would have chosen something better if we expected you to live in that body for the rest of your life. I can still repair your body manually, but it'll take longer. We needed a place to put your spark until it's finished."

"So you killed a coyote just so I could use its body as a shell?"

"Oh, Primus no! We could never kill an innocent being! That's against everything we believe in!"

"So then how did you get my spark to stick? I can't imagine that would work very well with a soul already attached to the shell."

"It was dead when we found it..." Bumblebee blurted out.

"..."

"Jazz?"

"Well that explains why I smell..." Jazz looked over at the black and white rabbit. "And him?"

"We needed to make sure it would work before we tried it on you and destroyed your spark a second time," Ratchet explained. "We didn't need to waste All-Spark energy resurrecting him because he was still alive when it came time to dump his body."

"Aren't I lucky?" Bonecrusher said coldly. "I'm a guinea pig in the body of a rabbit."

"Can you help me down from here, Bee?" Jazz asked.

"Jazz, you can't leave the medbay yet," Ratchet replied.

"Relax. I'm not leaving."

"Oh. In that case, help him down, Bee."

Bumblebee picked him up and set him down on the ground. "Where are you going?"

"To sit in my Emo-Corner so I can listen to My Chemical Romance and cry."


	2. A Visit From Hell

Why a coyote, you may ask? Well for one, I like coyotes. They're so much better than wolves. And for two, isn't Nevada home to many coyotes?

* * *

A few days passed and Jazz was still a coyote. On the plus side, Ratchet now permitted him and Bonecrusher to leave the medbay, but if they planned on going outside, someone had to stay with them. It was more for their safety than anything (especially since Jazz wasn't the only coyote in Nevada, and Bonecrusher might get eaten).

Jazz was taking his first trip to Sam's house since becoming a coyote. He stood up on Bumblebee's seat and jumped up to look out the window. "Are we there _yet?!_"

"For the last time Jazz, WE'LL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE!!" Bumblebee snapped. "Now sit down before somebody sees you! It's not exactly legal to keep a wild animal in captivity on this planet!"

"Hard ass," Jazz mumbled as he sat back down.

Bonecrusher glared at him from the front seat. "Is he always like this?" he asked Bumblebee.

"Like you wouldn't imagine," Bumblebee replied.

Jazz cursed whoever it was that designed coyotes because they forgot to give them the ability to give the finger. So, he just had to go for the next best thing...

"EWW!! Jazz!! Stop pissing on my seat!!" Bumblebee flipped out.

"What? I'm just trying to make the color of your interior match the color of your exterior," Jazz replied coldly.

"I'm not piss colored!" Bumblebee snapped.

**XXxxXX**

"S'up, bitches! Did y'all miss me?" Jazz said as he jumped out of Bumblebee.

Sam and Mikaela stared at him. "Jazz?" they said in unison.

"That be me," he replied.

"You're furry..." Mikaela pointed out.

"You mean he can actually get shorter?" Sam added.

"Coyotes can bite, you know," Jazz growled. Mojo ran over to him and started sniffing him in places. "Woah, Mojo, what the slag are you doing?!"

"Can somebody help me down?" Bonecrusher asked.

Sam stared at the bunny in the passenger seat. "Who the hell is that?"

"Bonecrusher," Bumblebee replied. "Help him out, please."

"Bonecrusher?" Sam said. He started laughing. "A bunny named Bonecrusher?"

Bonecrusher glared at him. "Just get me out of here!"

"Sure thing, Bugs!" Sam managed to stop laughing enough to help him down. "Hey Bumblebee, why does your interior smell like piss?" Bumblebee remained silent.

Mikaela picked Jazz up so that she could observe him better. "Hmm... You look like something's missing..."

"I'm a coyote. Of course something's missing," Jazz replied.

She set him back down. "Come on up to Sam's room for a second."

Jazz nodded. "Okay."

Shortly afterwards, Mikaela was digging through Sam's room, looking for ways to accessorize a coyote. Jazz sat on Sam's bed, reading a car magazine.

"Woah... Check out the aft on that Ferrari!" Jazz said more to himself than Mikaela.

"Here! Sunglasses!" Mikaela snatched a pair of sunglasses off the table and put them on Jazz. "It's close enough to your visor, isn't it?"

Jazz took a moment to get used to them. "Yeah, but I kinda miss how my visor stayed on by itself."

Mikaela put dog tags on him and tied a bandana overtop of it. "There. Now you look better."

Jazz stood in front of the mirror and wagged his tail. "Whoo! I'm a Gangsta-Coyote!"

**XXxxXX**

"Oh great, you put my accessories on an animal," Sam sighed when he saw Jazz. Jazz jumped up on the couch and lifted his leg. "Um... I mean, you look nice Jazz!" he quickly added. Jazz put his leg back down.

"Hi! Hi! Hi! Who are you?!" Mojo asked Jazz. "You smell funny!"

"Umm... I'm Jazz, one of the car-robots..." he replied.

"You're a car-robot just like Bumblebee? But you don't look like one... You look more like me!" he continued.

"How the slag can I understand you?!" Jazz backed up. "Sam, help! Your rodent is possessed!"

"No, you retard! You can understand him because you're an animal now!" Bonecrusher explained.

"Oh... That would make sense," he shrugged.

"Hey Jazz, you wanna see that thing I dug up outside?!" Mojo said happily.

"Um... No..."

"You wanna go chase the neighbor's cat?"

"No..."

"You wanna go hump somebody's leg?"

"I'm cool with that," Jazz replied, following him outside.

"This can only end in tears," Bonecrusher sighed, following after them for lack of anything better to do.

"Guys, my parents are going to be coming home soon, and if they see a coyote wearing sunglasses standing on the couch, I'm going to get in trouble!" Sam said.

"I'll just explain the situation to them, Sam," Bumblebee said from the window.

"Where are they?" Mikaela asked.

They were all silent for a moment. "What?" Sam asked.


	3. Phone Calls and Dog Doors

Here's a short one. It's as far as the story was written that I know of, so I'll continue this once I get the chance to.

* * *

"Run! Run! Run!" Mojo instructed as they bolted from the park.

"Yo, Little Bunny Foo Foo, move yo ass!" Jazz called back to Bonecrusher.

"My ass is moving as fast as it can go, Wile E.!" Bonecrusher snapped.

"Both of you move faster!" Mojo called back to them.

"Hey Mojo, while you're talking for us, why don't you say "¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!" for us?!" Jazz teased.

"You won't believe how many people ask me that," Mojo replied.

**

* * *

**"Where have you been?" Bumblebee asked angrily.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Jazz replied.

"Yes actually, I would like to know!"

"I was with Mojo and the other one," he nodded towards them.

"You know, there was once a time when the other one had a name," Bonecrusher sighed.

"Doing what?" Bumblebee demanded.

"None of your biz, Bee," he replied arrogantly. He got stuck going through the doggy door. "Damn! My hips are too big! A little help here?"

"That door was designed to let the chihuahua in and keep the coyotes out, Jazz," Sam pointed out, staring at him struggling to get through.

"Don't worry! I'll get through somehow!" he said confidently. "Hey, Ren and Stimpy, give me a push!"

"Stimpy's a cat, not a rabbit, Jazz," Sam said.

"Hey! No comments from the Peanut Gallery!" Jazz snapped as Mojo and Bonecrusher pushed him through. "Yeah! I made it!"

"Keep it down, Mikaela's on the phone!" Bumblebee scolded.

"Oh...sorry..."

Mikaela looked at Jazz, Mojo, and Bonecrusher, complete with a disturbed look on her face. "Hey Sam, Mrs. Garcia just called and said that your dog was at the park with two other animals..."

Sam gave them a threatening stare. "What were they doing?"

She was quiet for a moment. "You don't want to know..."

"Oh Primus," Bumblebee sighed. He glared at Jazz. "I'm telling Optimus."

"Yeah, you would," he replied.


	4. Just Resting a Moment

Another short one, folks. In fact, this one's so short that I have a feeling there's a piece missing to it. Still, this is all I could find of this chapter. Don't worry, the next chapter's a bit longer.

Can anyone guess where Jazz's quote comes from? -giggle-

* * *

Jazz sprawled across the floor in the lounge next to Bumblebee. He rolled over and allowed his friend to tickle his tummy. Bonecrusher gave him a disgusted look. "Hey, don't start, Peter Cotton-Ass! I saw your leg thumping when he scratched your ears earlier!"

"So, what do you want to do today, Jazz?" Bumblebee asked.

"I want to learn how to blow shit up...with my mind!" he quoted.

"Something else, perhaps?" Bumblebee sighed.

"Let's watch TV!" he suggested, rolling back over onto his stomach.

Bonecrusher pushed the remote off the table. It bonked Jazz on the head, causing him to yelp. "Hey, I thought it was field mice you were supposed to be bonking, not field coyotes!"

"It was an accident. You try picking up a remote that's twice your size with no opposable thumbs!" Bonecrusher countered.

Jazz stepped on the remote and switched through the channels, stopping at one and staring at it, confused. "Hey, why do they call it "Music Television" if there's no music? All I see is a bunch of people yelling and throwing things at each other..."

"And that, Jazz, is one of the greatest enigmas of life," Bumblebee shrugged. "Just like how Wonder Woman is able to squeeze her body into that suit."

"Next channel please," Bonecrusher requested.

Jazz stepped on the remote and flipped through the channels. "Okay, let's see... We can watch Scrubs... Lost... Ghost Rider... Primeval... Ooh! Power Rangers is on!" After a few moments, he noticed his companions giving him a bizarre look. "What?"

"Let's go back to Primeval, yes?" Bonecrusher suggested.

* * *

-sarcasm- No doubt about it... Jazz is the most mature of the Autobots...

Also, I likes Primeval. ;D


	5. He Doesn't Get It

And the plot thickens, just like that cup of chocolate milk that's been on my windowsill next to Sunstreaker since Wednesday...

Note that for someone as spastic as he is, Jazz is quite slow of the mind, yes?

* * *

"Can I go outside yet?" Jazz asked Prowl.

"No," he replied.

"Why not?"

"You know why not."

Jazz cocked his head. "No, I don't."

"Jazz, you aren't allowed outside today because you peed in my lap!" Prowl snapped.

"Hey, I was only trying to mark you as my territory in case any of the other coyotes started to get ideas!" Jazz countered.

"Go play with Bonecrusher," Prowl waved his hand at him to go away.

"Yeah fine, whatever," he grumbled, running off somewhere. "I don't see why you can't forgive me, I forgave you for stepping on my tail this morning!" Prowl ignored him.

He was going to go find Bonecrusher, when he realized that someone had left the door to the base open. His ears perked up and he wagged his tail before sneaking outside.

* * *

Jazz hadn't realized that he'd fallen asleep under the shade of a rock until he woke up at night. "Oh, shit... I'm gonna be in so much trouble..." He contemplated going back, but then remembered that Prowl would probably be the one waiting for him. "Well, it ain't like I've never been in trouble before..."

He walked over to the little pool of water and took a sip from it. "Eww, this stuff tastes like mud!"

"You're tellin' me," a female voice said.

Jazz looked up and realized that there was a female coyote standing across the water hole from him. She had a remote tracking collar strapped around her neck.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"Um...nothing... I'm gonna go now..." He quickly turned around and attempted to leave.

"Wait! Wait! Don't go!" She leapt over the water and ran in front of him.

"I have to. I need to go back home," he replied.

"My name's Shadow!" she wagged her tail.

"Okay...I'm Jazz..."

"I don't think I've seen you around here," Shadow replied.

"That's because I don't exactly live out here."

"What are you wearing? Do the people use it to keep track of you too?" she asked, nudging his dog tags with her snout.

He was confused as to what this coyote was doing... Why was she talking to him in that tone and so obsessed with keeping him there? "Not really... I'm just wearing it because it makes me look cool." He looked around. "There aren't other coyotes out here watching me, are there?"

"Nope. I come alone. Hey, are you hungry? Do you want to get something to eat?" She wagged her tail.

Come to think of it, he _was _hungry... Bumblebee usually fed him by now. He wondered if he was looking for him. "Yeah, sure. What do you got?"

"Follow me!" She turned around and ran off. He shrugged and followed her. Eventually she led him to a hole and dove in. He stood by the entrance and waited for her. Eventually, she returned with a mouthful of kangaroo rats.

"Oh...we're eating rats... Yummy..." Jazz tried to hide his displeasure.

"Well what do you usually eat?" she asked.

"People food," he replied.

"Oh... Well we don't have any of that stuff here in the desert," she said, swallowing one of the rats.

"Maybe I should go find my own, then. It's been nice meeting you, Shadow." He turned around and tried to leave.

"No! Wait! Maybe we can find something in the city!" she quickly said to stop him from leaving.

"Why go there? I already have somebody that feeds me."

"You're a pet?"

"No, not a pet..."

"But if somebody feeds you, then that makes you a pet," she reasoned.

"I actually prefer to think of the guy who feeds me as a personal servant," he countered. It wasn't like he'd never had Bumblebee do everything for him before he was a coyote, anyway... Bumblebee was such a sweet kid, always wanting to make his friends happy. A bit too stupid to realize when he was being taken advantage of, though.

"Well, do you want to come to the city with me anyway?" she asked.

He looked back at her. She was staring at him almost pleadingly. "Yeah, sure, why not?" he gave in.

"Yay!" she cheered.

* * *

"Where's Jazz? His soup's getting cold!" Bumblebee said, staring at the spot on the floor where his bowl was.

Bonecrusher was sitting against the wall on a pile of chicken bones, chewing on a raw steak. "I haven't seen him all day. Are you done with my bacon, yet?" Bumblebee set a plate of bacon down next to him.

"It's not like him to miss a meal... He always used to stand behind me, waiting, about an hour before it was even dinnertime. You don't think anything's wrong, do you?" Bumblebee asked worriedly.

"Maybe he's asleep somewhere?" Bonecrusher suggested.

"Maybe..." Bumblebee replied. Even when he was in his own body, pretty much all Jazz did was eat, sleep, and annoy Prowl. He was just all-out lazy. "Where do you think he could be?"

"He can't be getting in too much trouble as a coyote, can he?" Bonecrusher asked.

_Meanwhile..._

"I just felt a chill..." Prowl said. Optimus looked over at him curiously.

* * *

-gasp- Prowl's Idiot Sense is tingling!

No wonder Jazz ran away... He's eating alphabet soup while Bonecrusher gets to dine on raw cow flesh. I'm now convinced that Bonecrusher's been resurrected as the Vorpal Bunny.


	6. Fun in the City

Hmm... For some reason, I haven't gotten e-mail alerts for the past 10 reviews I've received. What gives? I never turned that feature off and they're not even showing up in my spam folder.

* * *

"And you've looked everywhere?" Prowl asked Bumblebee.

"Yes. He wasn't in any of the usual places," Bumblebee replied. "Where could he be? Do you think he's alright?"

"Knowing him, he's probably getting himself into some kind of trouble," Prowl sighed.

"You don't suppose he could have gone outside, could he?" Bonecrusher asked. "Maybe he got into a fight with a lynx or a wolf or something."

Bumblebee started panicking at the prospect of his friend having been eaten by a lynx. Ratchet glared at the rabbit. "Was that supposed to be helpful?"

"Not really. I just wanted to see if I could make him cry," Bonecrusher replied.

Optimus gave Ratchet a worried look. "You don't suppose he could've run into Blackout, do you?" Ratchet was silent. How could he have forgotten about Blackout?

Prowl looked at them both, confused. "Explain?"

"Bonecrusher wasn't our only Decepticon test subject. We also tested placing Blackout's spark in a Doberman pinscher," Ratchet explained. "Unfortunately, he wasn't as cooperative as Bonecrusher and ran away the first chance he got. We haven't managed to locate him. He could be anywhere in Nevada by now."

"Wait, you put Blackout in a Doberman and me and Jazz got these stupid desert animals? What gives?" Bonecrusher growled, his ears perking.

"First of all, we got you at a pet store, not the desert. Fuzzy black and white rabbits aren't desert animals. And second of all, I kind of clipped a Doberman while in my vehicle mode... I couldn't let it have died in vain..."

"Why couldn't you have maybe clipped a puma or a grizzly bear for me?" Bonecrusher mumbled.

"Quit complaining, or I'll stick your spark in a shrew," Ratchet threatened. Bonecrusher remained silent, but continued to glare at him.

"Okay, so now we know we've got to find Jazz before Blackout does. Any idea where we could look?" Prowl asked.

"Well, Jazz always was a city-bot..." Bumblebee suggested.

* * *

"Okay Shadow, here's what you do... Wait for the fat lady to put the cheeseburger down, and run up and snatch it. I'll get the fries," Jazz instructed.

"Isn't this stealing?" Shadow asked.

"Didn't you say you lived in a hole previously occupied by a gopher?"

"Yes. Why? Oh..."

"I rest my case."

They watched from under the bush outside the McDonald's until the lady set her food down and jumped up on top of the tables, snatching her food and running.

"Run faster, Shadow! Fat people are really food aggressive!" Jazz said with his teeth clenched around the fries as they took off running. They stopped in an alley once they were sure they were both safe and ate their stolen food. They both looked up when they heard a trashcan fall over.

"Why do humans only ever throw away garbage?! Doesn't anyone ever throw away food?!" someone complained. They both looked over and noticed three dogs digging through the trash.

"Maybe we should sit by the road and beg, boss," a pug said to the bigger dog digging through the trashcan.

"No way am I begging a human for food!" the dog in the can complained.

"Why not? Why can't we just rely on help from people for once?" the corgi accompanying them asked.

The bigger dog pulled his head out of the trashcan and growled at them both. Now that his head was in the open, they could tell it was a Doberman. "I've got an idea... Why don't I eat you?!" He noticed they had company and looked over in the direction of Jazz and Shadow.

"Why don't you just eat them, Blackout?" the corgi suggested.

"Shut up, Spencer!" Blackout snapped.

"Oh crap! Blackout?!" Jazz gasped.

"Jazz?!" Blackout said, equally surprised. The pug and Spencer looked at each other, confused.

"Hey, you know what, I think we'd best be going..." Jazz nudged Shadow and took off running the other way.

"Hey! Get back here, Autobot!" Blackout barked, chasing after them both. His two companions tried to follow him.

"Watch the cars!" Jazz called to Shadow as they bolted across a busy intersection.

"Blackout, maybe we should wait for the light!" Spencer suggested as they dodged cars crossing the street.

"By then they'll be gone!" he protested.

"What did this guy do to make you so angry?!" the pug asked.

"I don't have to explain myself to you! I never even wanted you guys to follow me to begin with!"

"Crap! Dead end!" Jazz yelped as he crashed into a wall at the end of an alley. He looked back at Blackout. "Hey dude, would this be a good time to tell you I'm sorry?" Blackout growled at him. "Hey, Bonecrusher forgave me! I think he did, anyway..."

Blackout was about to maul him when he heard a bunch of people shouting loudly to each other, something about the latest UFO sighting. "Hey, shut up! Can't you see I'm busy here?!" he snapped at them. They all grew silent and looked back at him.

"Did...did that dog just speak?" one of them said.

"Yes! Yes it did!" another replied.

"A talking dog! It is a sign!" someone in the crowd called. They all cheered and ran towards him.

"Oh, hell..." Blackout groaned, bracing himself as they tackled him. "Wait! Wait! The coyote in the sunglasses can talk too!" he ratted Jazz out.

They all looked up at Jazz, who yipped and started to chase his tail. "Yeah...he seems very talkative..."

"Max, Spencer, do something!" he called to the pug and the corgi.

"Why would we do something? You didn't want us to follow you to begin with," Max replied.

"Bye, boss!" Spencer waved his paw.

The crazies started to drag Blackout towards the desert, him screaming all the way. "Wait! No! I was only kidding! Guys, you gotta help... I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!!"

Max and Spencer looked back at Shadow and Jazz. "So, do you guys want to go beg some humans for food?" Max asked.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Jazz nodded. They both followed the dogs out of the alley.

* * *

What's going to happen to Blackout? :O


	7. Hell's Fence

And this chapter is defintely the second candidate for "Crackiest Things Banana's Ever Written", after the story about Brawl and the squirrels. This chapter was kind of inspired by an episode of Invader Zim.

By the way, the name "Hell's Fence" is a parody of "Heaven's Gate".

* * *

Blackout sat atop a mound of rocks in the center of some really weird and frighteningly cheerful people. He scratched his ear with one of his hind legs and shook his head to adjust the chain around his next before inquiring what they wanted of him.

"Oh great talking Doberman, please tell us, your loyal servants, what is the meaning of life?" one of the loonies asked.

"Blarg?" he replied.

"The meaning of life is Blarg!" she screamed.

"I knew it!" another screamed.

"Please tell us, oh talking Doberman, will the world really end in 2012?" someone else asked.

"Your world will end soon if you don't all get the hell away from me!" Blackout threatened.

"Please, bless my son!" a woman said, holding up a baby.

"Why, did he sneeze?" he asked. "I'm really confused, what's going on here?"

"Oh great talking Doberman, it is according to our great god, Legume, that a talking dog shall arrive on this planet and mark the start of Utopia! You shall bring peace to our ever chaotic world!" a woman replied.

Blackout's ears twitched. "Crazy lady say _what?!_"

"It's all on the sacred scroll of the cult of Hell's Fence!" she continued, holding up a sheet of paper with crayon drawings on it for him to see.

"Your "sacred scroll" is a grease-stained Friendly's placemat!" Blackout pointed out. Geez, was this how Lord Megatron felt when he clung to him all the time? How did he manage to not get himself punched in the face?

"The great Legume dictated that our sacred texts be written on this placemat!" she explained.

"Who?"

"He is the keeper of wisdom! He came to earth in a hail of stones and fire, and from his shell, life sprang up out of the ground and blossomed into this wonderland that we live in now!"

Blackout looked around at the desert. "You call this a wonderland? All it is is dirt and rattlesnakes for miles around!"

"But it won't be for long! You're here to make everything better again!" she countered.

"Okay, where is this "Legume" that you speak of? I want to file a complaint!"

"Oh, he's over there on the Sacred Pedestal of Enlightenment!" she said, pointing to a cardboard box with a jar on it. The box said "Peti5tol of Inlitinmint" with a backwards "P" in permanent marker.

Blackout walked over to it and nudged the jar containing Legume with his snout. "You're worshipping a Mexican jumping bean?!"

"The bean moves on its own! It is a sign!" one of the cult members screamed.

"That's because there's a worm in it!" he countered. "Anyways, if all of this is true, then why is this all still a barren desert? Shouldn't it be more like this "Utopolis" or whatever by now?"

"Oh, not yet! The ritual has not yet been completed! First, we must sacrifice the talking dog, that's you, to Legume so that your soul may wander free once more!" she explained.

Blackout's eyes widened. "Sacrifice?! Uh-uh, no way! I'm not letting you burn me to death, or drown me, or gut me like an Autobot!"

"Gut you? Who said anything about gutting you? We're just gonna bop you over the head a few times with the Bat of Enlightenment!"

Blackout looked over at a guy holding a plastic wiffle bat that said "B4t of Inlitinmint" on the side. "What's that Legume? You want me to run screaming through the desert? Well, since you asked so nicely..." He turned tail and fled, screaming, while the cult chased after him, waving the bat.

"So, you live out here?" Max asked Jazz.

"Well, a little further than this, but yes. Anyway, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow night if I'm not grounded. Later!" Jazz ran off.

"See ya later, Jazz!" Shadow called back to him.

"He's kind of strange, isn't he?" Spencer asked.

They all looked over when they saw Blackout run past screaming with the Hell's Fence cult members on his tail. "Yes, but not quite as strange as that," Max agreed.

* * *

Imaginining the part about the "Bat of Enlightenment" while I wrote this sent me into a giggle fit like you wouldn't believe. O.o


	8. Oh Crap, It's You

_Yes, this is short. I'm still getting back into the flow of writing after a pretty much three-month hiatus from it, so just bear with me until then. Hopefully I'll be able to write something longer soon._

**XXxxXX**

Blackout never knew he could run so fast until the day he ran from the middle of the desert to the middle of the city. For such weak and inferior creatures, those humans somehow managed to keep up with him the whole time. Out of all the things he missed about being a robot, the part he missed the most was the ability to fly. Then again, had he still been a robot, he wouldn't have even needed to fly. He could have just squished them all on the spot.

Running out of breath and desperately needing to rest, he looked around the area for a place to hide and noticed a car with the window open. Without a second thought, he bolted for the car and leapt up into the passenger seat, ducking down so he wasn't visible from the outside.

"What the? Where the heck did you come from? Shoo! Bad dog!" Blackout growled at whoever was scolding him and looked over into the driver's seat to find it empty. His spark nearly stopped when he realized whom he was hiding in.

"Oh no... It's not seriously _you _is it?" Blackout groaned. He chanced looking out the window and towards the door where he noticed the Decepticon insignia right next to the word "POLICE" in big, bold letters. "How the frag could I have missed that?!"

"Wait... I know that voice... Blackout?" Barricade replied. He paused a moment. "You look different. Did you get a bulk reduction?"

"I'm a dog, you moron!" Blackout growled. His ears pricked up when he heard the humans approaching. "Eh... Can you hold that thought a moment please?! And don't give me away, I beg of you!" he said in a panic before jumping into the back seat.

Barricade remained silent, watching the humans looking for Blackout with interest. He decided to ask questions later as they came closer. One of them glanced into the passenger seat, but fortunately they missed Blackout cowering on the floor in the back. Finally, the last one ran past and soon they were long gone, looking elsewhere for him.

"Finally! I thought they'd never leave!" Blackout sighed, jumping back onto the seat.

"That's good. Now get out," Barricade replied.

"I'm sorry, what?" Blackout leaned his head into the driver's side and glared at the dashboard.

"What do you think I am? The freaking K-9 Unit? Get out of my interior!" Barricade snapped.

"Come on Cade, I thought you were my friend!" Blackout pleaded.

Barricade's engine began to make a growling sound. "I thought Frenzy was my friend. Then he went and got himself killed and left me all alone. Out!" The door flew open to emphasize his demand.

Blackout whined softly as he jumped into the passenger seat and down onto the pavement. He looked back at Barricade as the door slammed. "Come on, Barricade! Don't do this to me! It's not like I'm out of place or anything. Many police officers work with dogs!"

"Have you forgotten that I'm the farthest thing from a police officer?" Barricade replied. "I'm not an animal person. Go away!" He rolled up the window and started to pull away before Blackout could try to get back in.

"Oh, come on Barricade!" Blackout called after him. "At least you wouldn't be all alone!" Barricade pulled to a halt. That seemed to work. Either that, or he was contemplating running him over...

Blackout stepped out of the street and back onto the sidewalk while Barricade backed up beside him and opened the door for him again. "Alright. Come on," he gave in. Blackout silently cheered and jumped back inside. "But only under the condition that you tell me what that was all about," he added.

Blackout climbed into the back seat and curled up for a nap. "I'm not sure you even want to know, Barricade..."


End file.
